Bob's Thoughts On
Getting Old...
It’s hell to get old. But it beats
the alternative, the boys in the
back yard. (Bob's
house was adjacent to an old cemetery)
What doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
Don't get old!
On music and other
people's taste in
music...
(Note:
Bob' had a profound love for classical music. Any day you entered his
house you would find classical music playing in just about every room,)
Whenever I fixed a car radio, I
always set it to WFLN (a
classical music station Bob listened to for many years).
Fred (Queen
and Bob's dog) has heard more
good music than most people.
Bruckner’s music is sideways music.
All their taste is in their mouth.
A hundred and fifty channels and
there’s nothing on.
On gas
(Flatuence)...
If I could pipe it or tune it, I’d be
worth a fortune.
They ought to make underwear that’s
yellow in the front and brown in
the back.
This chair’s squeaky.
It must have been Fred.
Bob
loved to eat. Many of his letter's contained much reference to what he
and Queen
had eaten. Here are some of Bob's remarks concerning one of his
favorite pastimes.
On eggplant
specifically...
It tastes like fried puss.
On eating in
general...
You can improve anything with raisins
and mushrooms.
You need your tongue scraped. (If
you didn't like something that Bob did.)
We ate in God’s restaurant tonight.
(Especially
after a meal of spaghetti)
If you know what’s good for you,
never sit next to Fritz and Tommy at
the table.
Never trust a skinny cook.
What burns going in, will burn coming
out.
After completion
of a meal...
There was just enough!
I think we'll keep you on Queen.
I think we'll renew your non-firing
clause.
Ah! Life looks better now.
Gee, I'm not hungry anymore. It
happens every night. I'll have to talk
to the doctor about this.
I obviously didn't get as
much. (After
being the first one done eating)
On swimming...
You need a calendar to time me, but I
get there.
The first time always feels like
swimming in molasses.
It was smooth as a sheet of glass.
If the pool’s open, I’m going.
You’re not even a R-12. I’m an R-32.
Things don't get much better than
this.
On smoking
cigars...
Your mouth tastes like the bottom of
a birdcage.
It ruins the taste of food.
On making cookies...
I’m responsible for quality control.
On booze...
I think I’ll have a little heart
medicine.
This is high quality rot gut.
I have to drive; I’m not fit to walk.
On tools and
appliances...
I like to have three of everything.
It’s an invention of the devil.
It doesn’t owe me a cent.
On VW Beetles...
You don’t drive them, you wear them.
If he saw a
teenager in a strapless
dress...
If it stays up, she's old enough.
Bob's General
Words of Wisdom...
You’ll be dead a long time.
I'm used, abused, and put upon!
The trouble with youth is it’s
wasted
on the young.
He wouldn’t pay a nickel to see an
earthquake.
Whenever I have the notion to
exercise, I lie down till it goes away.
The print was very close to the page.
(When
he had difficulty seeing something)
I watched it through the back of my
eyelids. (When
being caught taking a catnap.)
Never trust anybody who talks
directly with God.
There aren’t enough hours in the day.
I don’t know how I found time for
work. (On
retirement)
It’s almost over.
Bob's Vocabulary
nuggets...
vita-phones (vitamins)
the pissable church
cotton cheese (cottage
cheese)
hypodemic nerdle (hypodermic
needle)
gasoloon and inkahol (gasoline
and alcohol)
the iron works (exercise
equipment)
running the plow (vacuum
cleaning)
You betcha!
Not to worry!
We shall see!
On computers....
You can do everything a million
different ways.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
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